LAWS OF ANIME (page 3)

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Special thanks to TAP Anime for continuing and maintaining the ever-growing list of the Laws of Anime.

#41 - Law of the wise old man

Little, old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#42 - Law of Omnipotent Unreliability

Any 'Bad Guy' with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the 'Good Guy' until it is too late.

First Corollary
All 'Bad Guys' suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Sydrome which require all 'Bad Guys' to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use it against the 'Good Guy'.

Second Corollary
No 'Bad Guy' may use any new, secret, or superior military device without one of the following events occuring:


a) The control device being broken.
b) The control device being taken by the 'Good Guy'.
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just 'fooled' by the 'Good Guy'.
d) The 'Bad Guy' has already lost and cannot use the device.

#43 - Law of minimum corneal volume:

Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face's total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#44 - Law of Electrical charges in hair

Hair attracts electricity in abudance, resulting in two outcmes:


a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me look.
b) A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

#45 - Law of ammunition accuracy

When there are multiple type of ammunition available (paint balls, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to 'standard' or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)

#46 - Law of Active Female Attraction

In a comdey series, a male character's attractiveness to women is inversely perportional to how active they they persue them. (Tenchi, Ramna, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosi, Ataru, and Carrot couldn't get a date despite (or because of) their constsnt attempts.)

#47 - Law of Sweat Pore Variability

When a person is embarrased, caught in an akward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a big gulp from 7-11.

#48 - The law of Inverse Training Time

A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for 1 month.

#49 - Law of needs to few and many

The needs of the many, outway the needs of the few...of even the one.

#50 - Law of Bad Humor

Whenever someone says something that is intended to be a joke, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters on the screen (including animals) would fall to the ground with feet in the air. Sweat would sometimes accompany the fall.

#51 - Law of Extreme Anger

Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she would become extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift up a 1000 tons object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are so cruel such as pinching the guy's face so hard that it would change shape.

#52 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation

First Corollary
If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least 500 km of any gravity source) of the entity 'jumping'.

Second corollary
The amount of Newtonian 'opposite force' (in accordance to normal downward velocity; 'Earth gravity' speed is equal to 32ft /sec/sec) is also inversely proportional to the 'actual' speed of the airborne entity. In all actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximatly 1.73 lbs of pressure. Unless this articular entity is a 'bad guy'. Then, the law exhibits a mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonain opposite force, thusly increasing this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

#53 - Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension

In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the 'Good Guy's' Style Coefficient must increase by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the 'Bad Guy' inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic Tension, which will *always* be offset by an exponential increase in the 'Good Guy's' Style Coefficient.

#54 - Law of Coersive Vehicular Control

No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconcious psychokinesis.

First Corollary
Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjustable at will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and lethality of the manouver.

Second Corollary
It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character's consent. This does not always apply to 'Bad Guy' characters, or 'Good Guy' characters in situations where the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#55 - Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension

In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the 'Good Guy's' Style Coefficient, not only does the 'Bad Guy' usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#56 - Law of The Rushing Background Effect

Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulous that is not directly and immediately important to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often refered to as The Rushing Background Effect. Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the blood stream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.

#57 - The Law of Interdimensional Hammers

Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with.

#58 - The Law of Instant Band-Aids

Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion) These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the characters next screenshot.

#59 - Law of Universal Edge Defense

Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing the halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

#60 - Law of Intractable Sanity

There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either:


a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws (e.g., slowdown and exposition),
b) Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#61 - Celestial Body Control

At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him to cause a dramatic silhoutte.

#62 - Aura of Forgetfulness

Any hero who wishes his identity to remain secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#63 - Cool Hair Factor

The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face in a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc.

#64 - Law of inverse coping

Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.

#65 - Law of Love

Anime follows very distinct rules of love.


a) The anime characters that fall in love usually must hate each other first.
b) The guy is usually too stubborn to admit his love so the woman is usually the first to admit her love.
c) The characters find out that they love each other 2 seconds too late.

#66 - The law of Necromatic power increase

The hero will invariably not have the power to defeat the enemy in the first battle and thus will succumb to a seeming death. From this death the hero will recieve insight and an exponential increase in power that will make him far stronger than the enemy. This will invariably be surpassed by the next enemy.

#67 - The Law of Amendment to the "Five man team".

If the team is made totally of one sex.

1) The leader (usually doesn't think themself worthy)
2) The fighter (usually there to defend someone)
3) The intellectual (usually something about them surprises everyone at every turn and can make anything)
4) The good looking one
5) The leader's rival (usually best friend of the leader who constantly points out their inadequacies)
6) The mentor (usually has a vast store of knowledge about the enemies minions, even when the minion was just created five seconds ago)

#68 - The Law of Handicap

When a "Good Guy" is outnumbered by a large group of "Bad Guys," the "Good Guy's" strength will increase as needed to quickly defeat the "Bad Guys." However, when a number of "Good Guys" overwhelm the number of "Bad Guys," the "Good Guys'" power will decrease, thus giving the "Bad Guys" a chance to win and prolonging the battle until the hero shows up.

 

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